BINATANG PALING ANEH DI DUNIA

BINATANG PALING ANEH DI DUNIA

WANITA TERCANTIK DAN TERSEKSI INI DULUNYA PRIA

Banyak orang tidak menyadari bahwa model transeksual bermunculan di majalah dan di berbagai media di mana-mana. Model-model cantik terlihat dan terasa seperti perempuan tetapi sesungguhnya terlahir dengan organ reproduksi laki-laki.

5 ARTIS TERCANTIK INDONESIA

5 ARTIS TERCANTIK INDONESIA BERWAJAH KLASIK DARI MASA KE MASA

25 Bintang Porno Jepang Bikin-Girlband

Apa jadinya jika para para bintang video porno bergabung dan bikin girband bernama Ebisu Muscats?

5 PUTRI KERAJAAN DI DUNIA

5 PUTRI KERAJAAN DI DUNIA TERCANTIK SEPANJANG SEJARAH

FOTO-FOTO PRE WEDDING TERINDAH DI DUNIA

FOTO-FOTO PRE WEDDING TERINDAH DI DUNIA

SEPEDA MOTOR BISA TERBANG SUNGGUH KEREN

Anda pasti akan terheran-heran dengan kemajuan teknologi. Baru-baru ini, Samson Motorwork memperkenalkan, SkyBike, sepeda motor roda tiga yang bisa terbang dengan sayap lipat otomatis.

SUNGGUH MENGERIKAN, KANIBALISME KIAN MERAJA LELA!

Baru-baru ini seorang pria Swiss tertangkap beserta sup berisi hati manusia. Pria ini diyakini sedang melakukan praktek memakan daging manusia alias kanibal. Seperti apa?

LG Nexus 4 E960

Google dan LG merilis generasi keempat ponsel Google yang diberi nama LG Nexus 4 E96. LG Nexus 4 memiliki layar True HD IPS Plus capacitive touchscreen, dengan resolusi 768 x 1280 pixels, berukuran 4.7 inci. Layar ini dilapisi pelindung Corning Gorilla Glass 2.

Samsung Galaxy SIV

Sukses dengan Seri Galaxy, terutama Samsung Galaxy SIII, Samsung merilis generasi penerusnya, yaitu Samsung Galaxy SIV. Samsung Galaxy SIV memiliki dimensi 136.6 x 69.8 x 7.9 mm, berat 130 g dan memiliki layar 5 inci Full HD Super AMOLED (1920 x 1080) display, 441 ppi.

Sony Xperia Z

Sony segera merilis ponsel canggih terbarunya, yaitu Xperia Z. Sony Xperia Z akan hadir dengan layar 5 inci full HD, prosesor quad-core Snapdragon berkecepatan 1.5 GHz, RAM 2GHz. Sony Xperia Z memiliki kelebihan disektor kamera, dimana akan tertanam sensor kamera Exmore RS beresolusi sebesar 13 MP, selain itu tersedia konektivitas jaringan LTE, NFC, slot kartu microSD, serta dibekali sebuah baterai berkapasitas 2.330 mAh.

Nokia Lumia 920

Nokia merilis ponsel Windows Phone 8 pertamanya, yaitu Lumia 920. Nokia Lumia 920 berlayar IPS TFT capacitive touchscreen, dengan ukuran 4.5 inci, berkedalaman 16 juta warna, resolusinya 768 x 1280 pixels, Multitouch. Layar ini dilapisi pelindung Corning Gorilla Glass 2, serta teknologi PureMotion HD+ ClearBlack, sehingga tampilan layarnya sangat jernih.

HTC One

Berbicara mengenai kamera yang dimiliki HTC One, saat ini umumnya performa kamera selalu dikaitkan dengan besaran resolusi kamera, misalnya 3 MP, 5 MP atau 8 MP. Pada umumnya juga, hasil jepretan kamera dengan resolusi kamera 5 MP (2592 x 1944 piksel) akan lebih baik ketimbang 3 MP (2048 x 1536 piksel), atau pun 8 MP (3264 x 2448 piksel). Namun tampaknya hal tersebut sekarang telah dipatahkan oleh teknologi sensor kamera terbaru milik HTC, di mana HTC menciptakan sebuah inovasi baru yang bernama Ultrapixels, seperti yang telah disematkan pada HTC One.

HTC Butterfly

Ponsel yang memiliki dimensi 143 x 70.5 x 9.1 mm dan berat 140 g ini memiliki layar Super LCD3 capacitive touchscreen ukuran 5 inci, 16 juta warna dengan resolusi 1080 x 1920 pixels, Multitouch. Layar ini selain dilapisi pelindung Corning Gorilla Glass 2, permukaannya yang sedikit cembung itu memiliki kepadatan 440 ppi sehingga sungguh menakjubkan.

Dec 20, 2011

Relishing Sweet Treats Without Guilt

New Year's is behind us. But most of us are still enveloped by the festive atmosphere sense of spiritual satisfaction and moments of joyous celebration. We have visited many friends and relative attended many parties and enjoyed lots of delicious dishes-cookies, snacks, cakes, soft drinks, candies and ice cream. Hmmm, heavenly yummy….  But oops! Did you know that consuming too much of these deliciously sweet snacks may causes our body to drown in sugar? Well, we’d better watch our intake of sweet treats. Otherwise our obsession with sweet food can contribute to health problems.

Sweet, sweet, sweet
Sugar (sucrose) is a carbohydrate that is naturally found in every fruit and vegetable. It is the main product of photosynthesis, the process by which plants transform the sun's energy into food. Sugar occurs in greatest quantity in sugar cane and sugar beets, from which it is separated for commercial use.
We can find sugar in almost every kind of food and drink. Because its use is so common, it is difficult to accept that it has a significant role in contributing to certain diseases.

Types of Sugar
Sugar is available in many forms. Because of these different forms, sugar is also used in many types of food preparation.
Granulated: Granulated sugar differs in crystal size. Each crystal size provides unique functional characteristics that make this type of sugar appropriate for a food processor's special need.

“Regular” Sugar, Sugar Fine or Fine Sugar: “Regular” sugar, as it is known to consumers, is the sugar found in every home's sugar bowl and most commonly used in home food preparation. It is the white sugar called for in cookbook recipes.

Fruit Sugar: Fruit sugar is slightly finer than 'regular' sugar and is used in dry mixes such as gelatin desserts, pudding mixes and drink mixes. Fruit sugar has a more uniform crystal size than 'regular' sugar.

Sanding Sugar: Another large crystal sugar, sanding sugar, is used mainly in the baking and confectionery industries to sprinkle on top of baked goods. The large crystals reflect light and give the product a sparkling appearance.

Brown Sugar: Brown sugar consists of sugar crystals coated in molasses syrup with natural flavor and color. Many sugar refiners produce brown sugar by boiling special molasses syrup until sugar crystals form. It is often used in tea, coffee or on top of cereals.

Liquid Sugar: Liquid sugar was developed before today's methods of sugar processing made the handling and transportation of granulated sugar practical. Available commercially only in liquid form, it is sweeter than granulated sugar.

Watch Out for the Sweets
Don't be a Sweet: Use sugar only in moderation. Sugary foods have too few nutrients and contribute to tooth decay, cough, obesity and diabetes. Further-more, they can also cause osteoporosis and heart disease.

Practice a healthy lifestyle: Christmas and New Year's parties are the perfect times to enjoy cheesecake, chocolate cookies, a glass of syrup, soft drinks or some sweet snacks. But remember; don't eat just for pleasure or to satisfy emotional hunger. In fact, no portion size will satisfy your craving. Practicing a healthy lifestyle enables you to enjoy sweet treats without guilt.

Create a healthy relationship with food: Food is meant to be one of life's pleasurable experiences. Food is not the enemy. The key to developing a healthy relationship with food is to eliminate the word 'diet' from your vocabulary. Why? Because dieting can cause food cravings.

Try balanced eating: Try to eat regularly throughout the day. Start when you are not so hungry and stop when you are satisfied, not full.

Well folks, living without sugar are impossible for us. But we might end up getting sick if we consume too much sweet food. On the other hand, if we balance our food intake, we can relish sweet treats without guilt!

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Annoying Monthly Visitor

Article first published as Annoying Monthly Visitor on Technorati.

Every month, many girls undergo moments that drive them mad. Everything seems to come loose before and even during menstruation. All of a sudden your boyfriend has become so annoying, your best buddies appear unreliable, your mom's fussiness has increased tenfold, and your dad seems to be less and less sympathetic about your problems. Not to mention your brothers and sisters...ugh! 

Menstruation
Wait, gals! Don't put the blame entirely on your period if it plays havoc with your mood. It helps a lot to know more about this monthly guest. Menstruation is a natural process that happens to all women. The ideal menstrual cycle occurs once every 28 days. Usually it lasts for 2-7 days. The easiest way to keep track of your menstrual cycle is by marking the calendar. You can mark every day that you bleed calendar, beginning with the first day of your period. Don't worry if your period comes two days earlier or later than it did the previous month. This has to do with the calculation of the period which is different from the calculation on the calendar. So an early or late start is still considered normal as long as the cycle ranges from 22 to 35 days.

The bleeding during a period happens because the uterine lining (endometrium) is shed. Every month, woman's womb builds lining as preparation for a possible pregnancy. If pregnancy fails to happen, the built lining is shed as tissues mixed with blood. The shedding stimulates the womb muse to contract. The contractions cause an uncomfortable feeling in some women. This uncomfortable feeling, often called cramps, painful menstruation, or menstrual pain, varies from mild to severe. Lower abdominal (tummy) cramp is common but the pain can also spread to the lower back and thighs. Some pain during menstruation is normal but excessive pain is not. However, excessive menstrual pain (dysmenorrhea) affects nearly 15% of menstruating women around their period time, causing time loss from school or work.

TWO TYPES OF EXCESSIVE MENSTRUAL PAIN
Severe menstrual pain falls into two categories: primary dysmenorrhea and secondary dysmenorrhea. The first refers to menstrual pain that happens to women who have no problems within or outside their uteri (wombs). Factors that contribute to primary dysmenorrhea are:
  • Emotional imbalance: Emotional women who have little awareness of the menstrual process suffer greatly from this discomfort. So, being rational and calm bring tremendous benefits to women.
  • Insomnia: Most insomniacs suffers from menstrual pain.
  • Strict diet and lack of nutrition: Be careful if you are on a diet. Excessive dieting and lack of nutrition can also result in this undesirable condition.
  • Anemia: Anemics tend to be affected by menstrual pain.
  • Anorexia: Anorexic women also tend to suffer from this discomfort.
  • Hormones: Hormones can also play havoc with your body. Some experts explain that menstrual cramps happen because of excessive uterus contractions caused by the release of a hormone called prostaglandin by the uterus. This hormone may even affect the stomach and intestines, causing some women to throw up, faint, or suffer from diarrhea.
Secondary dysmenorrhea is menstrual pain that happens to women with abnormalities within or outside their uterus. This condition appears in women who have a uterus infection, tumor, endometriosis, etc. Medical consultation and treatment are highly recommended for this condition.

HOW TO COPE WITH IT
As long as the menstrual pain doesn't interfere with your daily activities, you don't have to worry. Bear in mind that regular exercise definitely helps smoothen the uncomfortable feelings caused by the womb contractions. Exercise will increase the release of natural endorphins (a chemical naturally released in the brain which reduces pain, and which in large amounts can make you feel relaxed and/or energetic) and suppress prostaglandin from being released. Pay attention to what you eat before and during your period. A low-fat vegetarian diet was found to lower menstrual pain. If your menstrual pain is really disturbing, like in the secondary case, do not hesitate to consult a doctor. Dysmenorrhea only happens when an ovum (egg) is released. So, don't be shocked when your doctor prescribes you birth control pills. The pills prevent ovulation (the release of an egg). Just make sure to ask what the side effects of the pills are and how long you should take them.

So, gals...greet your monthly guest with your biggest and sweetest smile. By understanding it, hopefully your boyfriend will be the best guy of the century, your mom and dad the most understanding parents, and your siblings like angels to you.

Breast Cancer

Article first published as How to Drastically Lower Your Breast Cancer Risk on Technorati.

In 1997, 41,200 women died of cancer, a woman every thirteen minutes. She could be a generous grandmother, a marvelous mom, a super sister or a gorgeous girlfriend. But the tragic thing is, some of these deaths could have been avoided, if only these women knew how to detect their cancer before it gets to the point of no return, when therapy and rescue are impossible. Ninety-seven percent of women whose breast cancer is detected early with no spreading beyond the breasts will survive. Women can lower their risk of dying of breast cancer by doing simple procedures to examine their breasts for early signs of cancer.

Breast cancer
Breast cancer happens when breast tissues grow at an abnormal and usually faster rate. The abnormal cell doesn't function normally and is called cancer cell. The abnormal growth can be benign, which means that it doesn't spread outside its original site. Or it can be malignant, in which case the cancer cells can travel to other body parts and wherever they stop, they cause abnormal, cancerous growth.
Doctors can detect breast cancer by a procedure called mammography, a kind of X-ray examination of the breasts. With mammography, a breast tumor can be detected up to two years before they can be felt. Usually, when a tumor is already palpable (that is, felt as a lump in the breast) it means that it has grown quite big, so action must immediately be taken. Doctors can recommend various kind of therapy, like chemotherapy (using drugs to kill the cancer cells), radiation and surgery to/or the breast.

Risk Factors
A risk factors is anything that increases your chance of getting a disease. However, having one or even several risk factors does not mean you will get the disease, it simply means that you have a greater chance of getting it. Some risk factors you can control, others you can’t.

The following are these you can’t control:
Gender: Women have more breast cells and these are more exposed to the influence of female hormones, so just by being born a female gives you a greater risk of getting breast cancer. Although breast cancer affects the males too, it is 100 times more common in women than in men.

Aging: Your risk increases as you get older. Seventy-seven percent of women with breast cancer are above fifty when they are diagnosed. If you are in your early to mid twenties, you have 1 in 110,000 chance of getting breast cancer. Women in mid to late twenties have 1 in 12.800 chance, and those in early thirties have 1 in 3,700 chance.

Genetic make-up: If your mom or sister developed breast cancer you're three times more likely to get it too. Your risk increases if you have close relatives (aunt, grandmother, cousin) who also have the disease.

Race: Caucasian (white) women are slightly more likely to develop breast cancer, but Afro-American (black) women are more likely to die from the disease because it is often detected late. Asian, Hispanic and Native American (Indian) women have a lower risk of developing the disease.

Menstrual period: Women who start menstruating early (before 12 years old) and stop late (after 50 years old) have a higher risk of developing breast cancer.

And here are factors that you can control. Notice that some factors can lower risk, while others increase it:
Breastfeeding. For every 12 months of breastfeeding, breast cancer risk drops 4.3%, and every childbirth lowers risk 7%. Pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding reduce the number of menstruations, which means that the breasts have less hormonal fluctuations.
Exercise. Women who exercise regularly have a lower risk of having breast cancer.
Not having children. Being childless or having a first child after thirty increases the risk of getting breast cancer.
Use of oral contraceptives (The Pill) and alcohol consumption. These increase your risk of getting breast cancer.
Obesity. Especially in women above 50, obesity can increase the risk of developing breast cancer. However, the link between obesity and breast cancer is not a simple one. The risk increases in women who become fat as an adult, but not in women who have been obese since childhood. Excess fat in the waist, stomach and breast areas increases the risk more than the same amount of fat in the hip and thigh areas (which means that having "thunder thighs" is relatively safer than having a "beer belly.")

Breast Self-Examination
Breast Self-Examination (BSE) should be done 5-7 days after menstruation (during menstruation the breasts might be tender or swollen, and this can affect the result) or if you are not regular, done on the same day every month. If you are using oral contraceptive (The Pill), do BSE before starting a new pack. Before doing your firs BSE, it's a good idea to consult a doctor so you'll know what normal, healthy breasts feel like. You need also to remember that breast come in many shapes and sizes and some people have different of breasts and some have asymmetrical ones. So know your own breasts well before you begin doing BSE.
Optional step : wear a pink ribbon on your lapel to show that you support and encourage women to be more aware of their risk of getting breast cancer.

OK, so the last one was not really a BSE procedure. But it's a good idea anyway. You'll never know whose life you might save by explaining to a curious looker what breast cancer and BSE is all about. Or you can start the people closest dearest to you. Your mom, perhaps, on whose breasts you warmth, security and comfort.Or your spunky and adorable sister.Your ultra cool friend. Or maybe, your self.

The following are steps you need to take to do:
1. Stand naked in front of a mirror with your hands on your tips and look at the shape and size of your breasts, pay attention to unusual swelling, hardness, redness, wrinkling and dimpling.
2. Hunch your shoulders forward and once again look at your breast.
3. Gently squeeze the nipples and watch for discharge.
4. Lie down with your left hand behind your head and place the pads of the three middle fingers (the parts with the fingerprints) of your right hand on the outer part of the left breast make a circular motion toward the nipples. You can also move your fingers up and down or in a straight line from your nipple outward. But always do the same kind of movement with all your BSE.
5. Do procedure No. 4 with the other breast. Watch for unusual lump, hardness or spots that are painful to touch. When you find any of these, consult a doctor immediately.

Dec 19, 2011

Brain Cancer

Brain cancer could be fatal. When our brain is damaged, we will rely on nothing. That is why brain cancer might be categorized the worst and the deadliest disease.

There are two types of brain tumors: primary brain tumors that originate in the brain and metastatic (secondary) brain tumors that originate from cancer cells that have migrated from other parts of the body.
Primary brain cancer rarely spreads beyond the central nervous system, and death result from uncontrolled tumor growth within the limited space of the skull. Metastatic brain cancer indicates advanced disease and has a poor prognosis.

Primary brain tumors can be cancerous or noncancerous. Both types take up space in the brain and may cause serious symptoms (e.g., vision or hearing loss) and complications (e.g., stroke).
All cancerous brain tumors are life threatening (malignant) because they have an aggressive and invasive nature. A noncancerous primary brain tumor is life threatening when it compromises vital structures (e.g., an artery).

INCIDENCE AND PREVALENCE
In the United States, the annual incidence of brain cancer generally is 15-20 cases per 100,000 people. Brain cancer is the leading cause of cancer-related death in patients younger than age 35.
Primary brain tumors account for 50% of intracranial tumors and secondary brain cancer accounts for the remaining cases. Approximately 17,000 people in the United States are diagnosed with pri¬mary cancer each year and nearly 13,000 die of the disease. The annual incidence of primary brain cancer in children is about 3 per 100,000.

Secondary brain cancer occurs in 20-30% of patients with metastatic disease and incidence increases with age. In the United States, about 100,000 cases of secondary brain cancer are diagnosed each year.

SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS
A brain tumor can obstruct the flow of cerebrosinal fluid (CSF), which results in the accumulation of CSF (hydrocephalus) and increased intracranial pressure (IICP). Nausea, vomiting, and headaches are common symptoms.
Brain tumors can damage vital neurological pathways and invade and compress brain tissue. Symptoms usually develop over time and their characteristics depend on the location and size of the tumor. A brain tumor in the frontal lobe may cause the following:
  • Behavioral and emotional changes
  • Impaired judgment
  • Impaired sense of smell
  • Memory loss
  • Paralyses on one side of the body (hemiplegia)
  • Reduced mental capacity (cognitive function)
  • Vision loss and inflammation of the optic nerve (papilledema)
 A tumor located in both the right and left hemispheres of the frontal lobe often cause behavioral changes, cognitive changes, and a clumsy, uncoordinated gait.
A tumor in the parietal lobe may cause the following symptoms:
  • Impaired speech
  • Inability to write
  • Lack of recognition
  • Seizures
  • Spatial disorders
Vision loss in one or both eyes and seizures may result from a tumor located in the occipital lobe.
Tumors that develop in the temporal lobe are often asymptomatic (i.e. with-out symptoms), but some may cause impaired speech and seizures.

A tumor in the brainstem may produce the following symptoms:
  • Behavioral and emotional changes (e.g., irritability) ,
  • Difficulty speaking and swallowing
  • Drowsiness
  • Headache, especially in the morning,
  • Hearing loss
  • Muscle weakness on one side of the face (e.g., head tilt, crooked smile)
  • Muscle weakness on one side of the body (i.e., hemiparesis)
  • Uncoordinated gait
  • Vision loss, drooping eyelid (i.e., ptosis) or crossed eyes (i.e., strabismus)
  • Vomiting
Ependymoma originates in the lining of the ventricles and the spinal canal and may damage cranial nerves. When this happens, hydrocephalus, stiff neck, head tilt, and weakness may result.
Symptoms produced by a tumor of the meninges (meningioma) depend on which area of the brain is being compressed. They include:
  • Headache
  • Hearing loss
  • Impaired speech (i.e., dysphasia)
  • Incontinence
  • Mental and emotional changes (e.g., indifference, disinhibition)
  • Prolonged drowsiness (somnolence)
  • Seizures
  • Vision loss
A tumor located in the pituitary gland (i.e., pituitary adenoma) may increase the secretion of hormones and cause discontinuation of menstruation (i.e., amenorrhea) and excess secretion of milk (i.e., galactorrhea) in women. Impotence may occur in men.
Metastatic brain cancer tends to invade the brain tissue indiscriminately. Some symptoms include the following:
  • Bleeding
  • Headache
  • Impaired mental function
  • Motor dysfunction
  • Nausea
  • Seizures
  • Swelling
  • Vomiting
Complications drastic and sometimes life-threatening complications can develop with brain cancer.

MOST FREQUENT QUESTIONS ABOUT CANCER

What is Brain Cancer?
The brain, like any other tissue in the body, is made up of individual cells which are much smaller than a pinpoint, and require a microscope to see them. These cells are the smallest units which compose the brain, and there are several different types. A brain cancer can arise from any of the cells which make up the brain. Basically, the brain's thinking cells (called “neurons”) are meant to divide rapidly before birth, and up until about 7 years old. At this time the brain u fully grown, and contains all the "neurons "that it ever will. Further development is by the existing cells making increasingly elaborate connections with each other, to communicate with one another.

Once the brain cells stop dividing in childhood, they are never meant to divide again. If the brain is injured, such as by trauma or stroke, specific cells within the brain (the “glial cells”) divide to form scar tissue, but the brain's thinking cells (the neurons) don't reproduce (although damaged ones may be repaired). You can see that the division of brain cells is under strict regulation and control. When this control is lost in a single cell, then it starts dividing in an uncontrolled manner. 

Brain cancer starts in just one cell. As the cell makes more and more copies of itself, it grows to form a tumor (which means a swelling). A benign tumor stays where it starts, although it can grow very large and press on crucial areas. In con-trast, a malignant tumor has a capacity to spread, and is then called “brain cancer”. “Primary” brain cancer starts within the brain, and is then main subject of this transcript. In contrast, "secondary" brain cancer starts in some other organ (like lung or breast) and thenspreads to the brain. This is called “brain metastasis”.

WHAT CAUSES OR INCREASES THE RISK FOR BRAIN CANCER? 
Like any cancer, the exact reason why one person gets brain cancer and another doesn't is unknown. However, several things have been found to increase the risk of developing brain cancer:
1) Having rare family diseases, carried in the genes, such as Neurofibromatosis (the “Elephant Man” syndrome), Von-Hippel Lindau, Sturge-Weber's or Turcot’s syndrome. These all belong to a family of diseases called the “phacomacoses” and present with cysts or bumps on or inside the body and high risk for brain tumors.
2) Exposure to certain chemicals, including chlorinated hydrocarbons (like PVC) and benzene, is associated with a higher risk of brain cancers.
3) Exposure to radiation has also been connected to developing brain cancers as well as other malignancies. The risk is greater if the person is exposed to at a young age to a higher dose. Pre-existing benign type tumors may become cancer¬ous (called "malignant degeneration) if radiated.

WHAT ARE THE SYMPTOMS OF BRAIN CANCER?
This depends upon where in the brain the cancer arises, and how big it becomes before coming to medical attention. The brain has particular areas controlling thought, sight, hearing, sensation, move¬ment, coordination and mood. The upper brain area tends to control the more advanced thought functions, while the middle controls mood and movement and the rear (or “brain stem”) stimulates breathing and heart rate.

HOW COMMON IS BRAIN CANCER?
There are about 15,000 cases per year in the United States of “primary brain cancer”. This causes about 10,000 deaths per year. Thus primary brain cancers account for 2% of the cancers yearly in the U.S.A. Much more common is brain Metastasis with at least 80,000 cases per year in the U.S.A. Since many cancers spread to the brain, and it is a critical structure, this accounts for almost 20% of total cancer deaths each year. While primary brain tumors account for 20% of the cancers in children, the majority of cases are in older individuals.

HOW ARE BRAIN TUMORS DIAGNOSED AND EVALUATED?
A tumor simply means a swelling, and isn't necessarily cancer. A patient will come to the doctor with symptoms suspicious for a brain tumor, and the physician will perform a neurological examination to check the nerves or the brain which control the eyes and face, check for equal strength and sensation on both sides of the body, coordination and balance, and memory and judgment. He will look into the eyes for signs of increased pressure in the skull, such as swelling of the optic disks.

The next step is to order a radiological test to look for the tumor. Most commonly a CAT scan is gotten which an array of X-ray beams to visualize the brain. Often contrast material is injected into a vein during the CAT scan, as this highlight abnormal area in the brain. This test takes about 1/2 hour and the films are read by a radiologist. Large tumors are very easily seen on CAT scan, but ones smaller than 1 cm or in the cerebellum may not be obvious.

If a tumor is seen, or there is still high suspicion of one, the next test ordered is a Magnetic Resonance Image (MRI) scan; it doesn't use radiation and is very accurate for detecting even small brain tumors in the cerebellum. It takes about an hour of lying still, is painless, and is much more expensive than a CAT scan, which is why they only order it after confirming a tumor.

The only way to be absolutely sure of what kind of tumor is present is to take a sample (biopsy) of it. Nowadays, biopsies are very safe (less than 1% of patients die from them) and are usually obtained under stereotactic guidance (a fine-needle is exactly placed into the tumor after visualizing it in 3 dimensions). The biopsy material is examined by a pathologist, a doctor who specializes in diagnosing disease from tissue samples. He does special stains on it and examines it under a microscope to see what type of tumor it is, and grades it depending upon how aggressive it looks. Rarely, the type of tumor is so obvious from the scans or is so deep in the brain that a biopsy isn't gotten, the tumor is treated based upon what’s it's presumed to be. 

Other possible tests include an MRI-of the spine for certain tumors (medulloblastoma and high grade ependymoma) which tend to seed down the spine, a spinal tap to look for cancer cells shedding into the cerebral-spinal fluid that bathes the brain, and spinal cord, and an endocrine (hormonal) blood test evaluation for pituitary or mid-brain tumors. We may test to look for the origin of the tumor elsewhere in the body if it is believed not to have started in the brain. Spread of primary brain tumors to other body organs is very rare, but when it occurs it's usually to lung or bone marrow.

Historically, treatment of brain tumors has used surgery, radiation treatment and/or chemotherapy. Each of these has improved dramatically over the past decades. It is critical for the patient to get the correct treatment for brain cancer, the first time. This is because treatment of relapsed cancer isn't as successful as proper initial treatment when the diagnosis is first made. Nonetheless, newer techniques of pinpoint-accuracy radiation, microsurgery, chemotherapy and gene therapy offer more hope to the patient with brain cancer than ever before.

Dec 14, 2011

Aromatherapy At Your Fingertips

Another way to enjoy fragrances besides using them as perfumes is turning them into essential oils and applying them in aromatherapy. This therapy is one of the holistic treatments using pleasant smells such as rose; lemon, and lavender. Aromatherapy, which has been around for about 5,000 years; can be used for healing, relaxing, boosting one's spirits, and others.

How Did It Start?
Imhotep, the Egyptian physician and god of medicine and healing, recommended the ancient Egyptians to use aromatherapy for bathing, massage, and embalming their dead. Hippocrates, a physician from Greece who is also known as the father of medicine, recommended aromatherapy baths and scented massage. Ancient Chinese people also used some form? Of aromatics. A book on herbs by Shen Nung dating back to 2700 BC contains details on over 300 plants and their uses. Indian people have also been using aromatherapy for many centuries. Ayurveda, their traditional medical system, advocates the use of dried and fresh herbs, as well as aromatic massage as important aspects of medical: treatment.

The word aromatherapy itself was first used in 1920 by a French chemist Rene Maurice ''Gattefosse, who conducted a research on essential oils. One day, where, he accidentally burned his arm, he thrust it, into a vat of lavender oil that happened to be the nearest cold liquid he could reach. Surprisingly his arm healed quickly.

How to use it?
Sometimes we don't realize that we are actually applying aromatherapy in our daily lives. For instance, when we burn scented candles or walk in a garden full of the fragrance of flowers we are, practicing aromatherapy.
But if we want to practice more aromatherapy, just use essential oils for massage, bath, or inhale or use the oil, incense, aromatic candles, pot pourri, or even fresh materials to diffuse an entire room. Here are some ideas of what aromas you can use for what treatment.

Insomnia
If you have a sleep disorder, lavender is the best fragrance to use since it can really help to relax. Just let the scent of lavender roam your entire room to help you relax and you'll sleep like a baby.

Sunburn
After a day on the beach, you realize that you've got sunburn. Don't panic! Drop some chamomile or lavender essential oil to a carrier or base oil (you can use olive oil for this) and gently massage the sunburnt area. If you don't like massage, you can add 10 drops of the same essential oil to your bath and soak for about fifteen minutes. Your skin will soon recover.

Stress
Vanilla and lavender are good for reducing stress. If you don't have essential oils but need something to help you relax, use a mixture of lemon and clove smells. Just stick some cloves into a lemon and hang it in your room, It's simple and can simply help!

Poor Memory
So you think you're being absent-minded lately? Always forget where you put things and can't easily remember even the simplest things? Watch out! An insufficient supply of nutrients to our brains and exposure to free radicals can result in this problem. But with proper diet, our memory should remain active into our eighties or nineties. You can also use rosemary oil to solve this problem. Just inhale the aroma, add 10 drops to your bath and soak your body in it, or add some drops to a carrier oil and use it for massage.

Insect Bites
Insect bites, even if they're harm¬less, can be very annoying since they're usually itchy and swollen, just apply lavender or tea-tree oil on the skin or put some drops of it to a cold compress to ease the swelling. If you happen to get loads of bites on your skin, add 10 drops of the essential oil to your bath and soak for 15 minutes.

Upset Stomach
To solve this problem, brew some peppermint tea and have a sip. That will help you ease the problem.

Homemade Recipe for Hair Treatment

Hair loss
Massage scalp with beetroot juice every night.

Damaged hair
Blend 1 egg, 25cc of olive oil, and a quarter of a peeled cucumber. Spread evenly through your hair, leave on for 10 minutes, then thoroughly rinse. For the best results year-round, continue this treatment monthly.

Oily hair
Blend 1/2 teaspoon aloe vera gel and 1 tablespoon lemon juice and add a little of your regular shampoo. Wash your hair as usual, but let the shampoo on for a few minutes.

Dry hair
  • Mix! Tablespoon honey and any type of vegetable oil. Distribute mixture evenly all over the hair.
  • Coat dry hair with mayonnaise, cover with a plastic shower cap and leave on for 10-20 minutes.
  • Mix 1 avocado, 2 egg yolks, and olive oil. Massage gently into scalp and hair, and then cover the hair with a shower cap for 20 minutes. Shampoo as usual.
  • Combine mashed avocado with some coconut milk. Mash together until it's smooth and about as thick as shampoo. Comb it through the hair and let sit for 10-15 minutes, wash out.

Hair Treatment

If you pull your hair it's your scalp that hurts. Your hair doesn't have any neurons, nerve cells that carry information between the brain and other parts of the body. So officially, hair is not alive like other parts of the body. It's why you won't fee) pain when scissors snip at your locks. However, hair contains fats, pigment (melanin), water (at least 10 percent of dry hair), and traces of vitamins and minerals. Taking a good care of your hair is a must to keep it healthy. Here are some tips! 

Washing hair the right way
  • Comb your hair before you wet it, so it will wash easily. Rinse your hair under a shower (if possible), using gentle strokes with your fingertips (and NOT nails!). Pour a dollop of shampoo on your palms, rub your palms together, and apply the shampoo to your scalp. Remember it's the scalp you put the shampoo on, not the end of your hair, as the shampoo would dry the hair ends and cause them to weaken and split. Also, do not ruffle your hair all over your head as you shampoo because it will get all tangled up. Afterwards, rinse the shampoo off.
  • You need to shampoo your hair for a second time. The purpose of the first shampoo is to clean the oil and dirt off; the second shampoo is supposed to let the shampoo treat your hair. So, repeat the process, but let the shampoo sit on for around a couple of minutes. Rinse the hair completely after this.
  • To get the excess water off your hair, just squeeze the water out. Do not pull or tug at the hair because the hair is at its most delicate when it is soaked. When the excess water is out, apply a dollop of conditioner and apply it along the hairline and the ends of the hair. Pile your hair then inside a shower cap and let the conditioner stay for around ten minutes. Then rinse it off completely

Routines that will help
  • Combing instead of brushing : Brushing will pull out hair that isn't ready to be molted quite yet, breaks healthy hairs, and scratches the scalp. Use a brush for styling only; not to "exercise" the scalp.
  • Eating fresh vegetables and fruit : eating too many sweets, chocolate and cookies will do no good. Replace them with fresh fruits and vegetables, which contain vitamins needed by your hair.
  • Choosing the right shampoo : Before buying a bottle of shampoo you should be sure of your hair type; whether it's normal, dry, or oily. The best way to check is dabbing a tissue on your scalp the second day after washing. If it has an oil blot, you have normal hair. If the tissue shows nothing, it is dry. If strands stick to each other, then it is oily hair.
  • Applying hair mask : A scalp massage will help stimulate and moisturize the scalp. You can either have it a hair salon, (ask tor a cream-bath treatment), or do it by yourself at home (apply hair mask cream).
Having enough beauty sleep
Apparently stress can affect your hair as well. It will cause scalp disorder which may result in disturbing the health of the hair. So, try to get enough sleep and rest to reduce stress.

Curing the problems
  • Shake the dandruff away : Dandruff is made up of bits of dead skin that peel away from the scalp as a result of the effects of metabolism. Normally, dandruff, in its early stages of growth, is not visible to the naked eye. It becomes visible only after enlarging into pieces of dead skin (what we normally call “dandruff”). As dandruff can become stubborn, the best thing to do would be to start using anti-dandruff shampoos. Look for anti-dandruff shampoos with zinc pyrithione, selenium sulfide, salicylic acid or ketoconazole as the active ingredient. To keep your scalp from developing immunity to these shampoos, go ahead and rotate brands at least once a month. Whatever you do, never ever scratch the clumps with your fingernails. It will cause wounds on your scalp.
  • Deal with the split ends : Don't bother with any hair product ad that claims that it can cure split ends. Split ends happen when the protective cuticle has been stripped away from the ends of hair fibers. Once the hair cuticle is removed, it is impossible to replace. The best treatment is to cut off the split end of the damaged fiber.
The next step is to give the rest of the hair a good hair treatment such as having a hair cream-bath or applying hair mask.

Hearing Loss

Hearing loss and the misunderstanding that comes from it often serve as joke material. But hearing problems are responsible for a lot of anger and depression. Just think: you can't hear what people are saying to you, or you misunderstand them, so they speak louder to you, and you feel as though you're being insulted, or scolded, then accuse the other people of being rude. Complicated, eh? Plus, imagine the consequences of not being able to hear your alarm clock, the warning signal of railway crossing, or the ringing of your cooking timer. Disastrous, aren't they?

Contrary to myth, hearing loss is not only the problems of the aged. The majority of people with hearing impairment belong to the productive age group. That's because a lot of people nowadays are exposed to dangerous levels of noise. Live, open-air rock concerts with their gigantic speakers are not the only source of sonic blasts. Our ears are constantly battered by video arcades; firecrackers, household appliances like food processors and hair dryers, vehicles like rumbling trucks and motorcycles, not to mention the music blaring from our earphones. So how do these noise explosions affect our windows to the voices of the world, and how can we prevent hearing loss? Read on.

How We Hear
Sound travels through the air in waves. The outer part of our ear collects and focuses these waves and channels them to the ear canal. At the end of the canal is the thin tympanic membrane, which vibrates when the sound waves hit it. The vibration is then transmitted through the small bones in the ear, until it reaches a tiny snail-like organ called the cochlea. The cochlea contains fluid that will ripple in response to the vibration tranmitted by the bones. The movement of the fluid stirs the tiny hairs inside the cochlea and in turn, the swaying of the tiny hairs triggers the launching of chemicals to the brain, which then interprets the sound.

Noise Damage
Although many things can damage your hearing, noise is still the number one offender. Very loud sound especially at close range and for a long duration, destroy the tiny hairs inside the cochlea. The hairs closer to the outside of the cochlea, the more sensitive ones, will be the first to get damaged, so the first sign that you're having trouble hearing is that you have difficulty catching high-pitched sounds like the voices of children and women.

Many people don't realize that their hearing is dam-aged because the problem usually develops gradually But you will know that the noise level around you is dangerous if:
• you can't hear someone a meter away.
• you have pain in your ears after leaving a noisy area
• you hear ringing or buzing (tinnitus) in your ears immediately after expsure to noise.
• You suddenly have difficulty understanding speech after exposure to noise; you can hear people talking but you cannot understand them.

So what can we do to keep our sound radar shipshape?
• Limit exposure time to noisy activities.
• At home, turn down the volume on the television, (radio, stereo, or walkman.)
• Wear ear plugs or muffs when working with loud machineries like motorcycles, etc.
• Buy quieter products (compare dB (decibel) ratings on the packaging- the smaller the better).
• Reduce the number of noisy appliances running at the same time at home or in your work place.
Now that you know how delicate your hearing is and how dangerous loud noise can be, go easy on the volume button on your discman, will you?

SOUND – O - METER
140 decibels (gunshot, jet engine at take-off) : Immediate damage to hearing
125 decibels (firecrackers) : Pain threshold
120 decibels (rock-concerts) : Risk of hearing damage in 7 minutes
115 decibels (baby’s cry, jet' skis) : Risk of hearing damage in 15 minutes
105 decibels (jackhammer, helicopters) : Risk of hearing damage in hour
100 decibels (chainsaw, stereo headphones) : Risk of hearing damage in 2 hour
95 decibels (motorcycles) : Risk of hearing damage in 4 hours
90 decibels (lawn mower, truck traffic) : Risk hearing damage in 8 hours

10 Biggest Myths About Skin

Myth # 1 : Pinching your cheeks gives your face a healthy glow.
Wrong. Only exercise will increase your circulation, which then supplies your skin with oxygen and nutrients to give it a rosy look. 

Myth # 2 : You get pimples from eating chocolate and greasy food.
No, but a diet with plenty of fruits and vegetables will make your skin look better. Certain substances, like iodine (found in peanuts, shell fish and iodized salt) have been linked to acne. Eat them in moderation or eliminate them from your diet if you have skin problems.

Myth # 3 : When your face breaks out, scrub it more often.
Overscrubbing your face with harsh soaps abrasive cleansers can dry out your skin and cause more breakouts. All you need is to wash your face twice a day with a mild soap or cleanser to remove cosmetics and dirt.

Myth # 4 : Drinking eight glasses of water a day can clear up breakouts.
While drinking water may make your skin look better (it makes skin stay hydrated), there's no evidence that it clears up acne. Hormones and stress also affect breakouts and cannot be altered by water intake.

Myth # 5 : Squeezing a zit is better - leaving it alone.
No. Popping zit will increase the chance of spreading the infection under the skin's surface and cause scars.

Myth # 6 : Getting a tan dries up your pimples.
It may, temporarily. But, since ultraviolet rays play a role in thickening skin and clogging pores, there's always a chance that your skin will break out later.

Myth # 7 : Exfoliating daily helps keep your skin cleaner.
No. daily exfoliation is too aggressive for your skin. Do it once in a week, using cream rather than pad or buffer.

Myth # 8 : Skip the moisturizer if your skin breaks out. Definitely not. 
Drying out your skin can make acne worse.

Myth # 9 : Going to sleep with your eye makeup on isn't all that bad.
Eye make-up that's left on should be rubbed off before you sleep. If you remove it in the morning, you will have to rub harder. It can cause tear on your skin.

Myth # 10 : Using sunscreen makes your skin break out.
Not if you use noncomedogenic sun screen.

What Skin Type Are You

Take tills simple test to know the skin type of your face: First thing in the morning, don't bother to take a shower first; instead, take a piece of facial tissue and blot your face. If the tissue has tracer of oil nearly all over it, then you have oily skin. If it shows only light traces of oil everywhere, then you have normal skin. If the part of tissue used on the forehead and nose is oily but clean on the area of the cheeks, you have combination skin. No traces of oil on the tissue at all? Definitely dry skin! Now that you know how to determine your skin type, read on to know more about it and how to keep it healthy.

Normal Skin
Normal skin is the ideal type. What makes skin ideal is the amount of sebum (oil) in the skin. This kind of skin has just the right amount of sebum to make it supple but not too much to make it look slick. Pores are visible but not large. This good combination makes the skin smooth and relatively acne-free. Yet skin care is still essential to keep up the healthy look. Exfoliate the face using facial scrub once a week and use mild soap (pH balanced) to remove dirt and grime on skin surface. Dab oil-free (water-based) moisturize to keep skin suppleness. Normal skin doesn't need extra oil from the cleanser because it has enough naturally produced oil.

Dry Skin
Does your face feel tight (stretched) after taking a shower, especially a hot shower? If that's the case, you have dry skin. Besides tightness, other characteristics of dry skin are fine pores, thin skin, and flaking. Although you can put the blame on hereditary and hormonal factors, you still have to take outside factors into consideration. Washing your face too often and being in an air-conditioned room too long can wipe precious natural sebum off your face. To overcome dehydrated skin, apply oil-base/ cream moisturizer while your face skin is still damp. Sunscreen and natural masks work wonder. So slather home-made avocado, papaya, or egg yolk and honey mask on your face. Make sure to have a balanced diet and at least take Vitamin E capsules to nourish your dehydrated skin. Use soft/microbeads exfoliant once a week. Avoid vigorous, scrubbing during exfoliation.

Oily Skin
Again, heredity and hormones, especially during puberty, trigger this type of skin to produce more oil than it needs. As a result, the face feels greasy and appears shiny. Using blotting paper or oil control film every now and then can reduce the shiny look. Unfortunately, the problem doesn't stop there because people with oily skin have large pores. Dirt and grime clog the pores fairly easily so acne and other blemishes tend to break out. Regular exfoliation can open the clogged pores and prevent the breakout. Washing the face with mild soap and warm water as well as using a gentle cleanser is highly recommended to control excess oil production. Applying non-alcohol astringent after cleaning the face helps it get rid of soap and cleanser left-over. Oil-based moisturizer is a no-no!

Combination Skin
Most people have this skin type: A combination of normal skin with a few dry patches (on cheeks and around the eyes) and a few oily patches (on the T-zone). The T-zone is the target area for breakouts (acne). As people mature, their production of sebum will decrease further on the dry areas. It goes without saying that different care goes for different areas of the face. Use oil-based and rich cream moisturizer for the dry parts but apply water-based moisturizer for the oily parts. Blot the T-zone when it appears shiny.

Whatever your skin type is, the bottom line is to pay attention to the amount of sebum secreted on the face. Based on this knowledge, always clean your face (washing and exfoliating) and choose a suitable cleanser and moisturizer. Remember that sebum production increases at puberty and in the week before menstruation. So, extra care during these periods is needed.

Body Image and Self Esteem

Are you happy about your physical condition? Or do you think that you are skinny, too fat, too short, or thin? Or maybe you have this mole or scar you really want to get rid of whatever you think, you should know that body image is based on your thoughts and feelings about the way your body looks. Poor body image comes from negative thoughts and feelings about your appearance. Body image is a major factor in self-esteem, which is the way you think and feel about yourself as a person. Self-esteem can also be based on how you think other people look at you as a person. 
Whenever you feel low, try to remember these:
  • Your body is your own, no matter what shape, size, or color it comes in. Other people may say whatever they want, but they're not the master of your body.
  • You're unique because you're not just a copy of someone else.
  • What's inside your brain and mind is more important than your looks.
  • Try to focus on improving your behavior and skills. Giving enough time to nourish your talents will help you to improve your unique qualities.
Nice to Know:
  • Treating yourself with respect and realizing that every part of you is worth caring for and protecting will help you keep a healthy attitude towards yourself.
  • Building a good self-esteem can take a long time and is not always easy, but knowing that you can improve your self-esteem is the first step.

How to Keep Stress Under Control

Sleeping problems, unexplainable sadness, panic attacks, sudden anger, and/or moodiness are signs of stress. When you already have one or two of those symptoms, you should be aware that you need to do something.
The most helpful method of dealing with stress is learning how to manage the stress that comes along with any new challenge, good or bad. Knowing how to “de-stress” and doing it when things are relatively calm can help you get through challenging circumstances that may arise. 
Here are some things that can help keep stress under control.
  • Take a stand against over-scheduling. You know your limitations; just do the things that receive priority and cut out the unnecessary ones.
  • Be realistic. Don't try to be perfect - no one is.
  • Get a good night's sleep. Getting enough sleep helps keep your body and mind in top shape, making you better equipped to deal with any negative stressors.
  • Learn to relax. Reading a good book, making time for a hobby, or spending time with your pet can put you at ease and reduce stress.
  • Treat your body well. Getting regular exercise helps people manage stress. And eat well to help your body get the right fuel to function at its best. Under stressful conditions, the body needs vitamins and minerals more than ever.
  • Watch what you're thinking. A healthy dose of optimism can help you make the best of stressful circumstances.
  • Solve the little problems. Learning to solve everyday problems can give you a sense of control. But avoiding them can leave you feeling like you have little control and that just adds to stress. 
 Nice to know:
  • Having a little stress can help keep you on your toes, ready to rise to a challenge.
  • Stress-management skills work best when they're applied regularly, not just when the pressure's on.

Distressed

What is stress?
Some psychologists define stress as follows, stress is an internal state which can be caused by physical demands on the body (disease condition, exercise, extremes of temperature and the like) or by environmental and social situations which are evaluated as potentially harmful, uncontrollable, or exceeding our resources for coping (Morgan, King, Weisz, Schopler, Introduction to Psychology 1986). 
As the experts state, stress can be caused by physical and social situations.

What can we do to cope with stress?
Everyone has their own way to cope with stressful situations. There are various ways to solve this problem. Following are come steps you can use to deal with stressful situations.
1. Play sports! Never have the night time, or the right reason to do your favorite one? Do it now! An expert says that physical activity (for about 30 minutes) causes your brain to create a hormone which will influence you mood positively.
2. Laugh, guys! Yes, there us a saying that says “Laughing can make your day. If you are stressed, try some jokes, watch a comedy movie, or try to remember a situation that made you laugh.
3. There are times when we need somebody to “let it all out”. Contact a friend whom you can talk with, just to let it out. Sharing your problems with somebody is halfway to solving them.
4. Experience something “new”. Do you always eat the same food for lunch? Choose another kind of food. Do you always hang out at the same place? Try another place, with another activity.
5. Take some time to do your hobby, do you love to play electronic. Do you love to play electronic games? In line skating? Play guitar? Just do it.
6. Find the root of the problem, and try to solve it. Take some time to contemplate, rethink about what happened. Do some introspection, and try to find the solution. Then, discuss it with somebody you’re comfortable with, e.g. friends, brothers or sisters, parents, to find apply the best possible solutions.
7. If you still feel distressed after trying the steps above consult a professional. Who? A counselor or psychologist. You can find counselors at schools (the guidance and counselor teacher).

Ok now. Ready for the next school day? You should be. Don’t let your problems linger. Do something about it, and do it right now!
Nothing last forever-not even your troublesArnold Glasow

Peer Pressure

Sometimes, the problems in your life can actually come from your peers. They may pressure you into doing something you're uncomfortable with, such as smoking, shoplifting, doing drugs or drinking, or taking dangerous risks when driving a car. This pressure may be expressed openly or indirectly. Sometimes a group can make subtle signals without saying anything at all — letting you know that you must dress or talk a certain way or adopt particular attitudes toward school, other students, parents, and teachers in order to win acceptance and approval. There's no magic to standing up to peer pressure; it does take courage to deal with it. Here are some tips:
  • Listen to your gut. If you feel uncomfortable, it means that something about the situation is wrong and absolutely not for you.
  • Plan for possible pressure situations. Learn a few tricks to act or do certain things you want to avoid. If you're holding a bottle of water or a can of soda at a party, for instance, you're less likely to be offered a drink you don't want.
  • Learn to feel comfortable saying no. Although it's difficult to say no you should practice to do it when necessary.
  • Hang with people who feel the same way you do. Choose friends who will speak up with you when you're in need of moral support, and be quick to speak up for a friend in the same way.
  • Blame your parents. You can say, “Are you kidding? If my mom found out, she'd kill me, and her spies are everywhere.” Using your parents for a shield sometimes is helpful. Only don't do it too often, or you will be labeled as a cry baby.
  • If a situation seems dangerous, don't hesitate to get an adult's help.
Nice to know:
  • It's not always easy to resist negative peer pressure, but when you do, it is easy to feel good about it afterwards.
  • Consider yourself a leader, and know that you have the potential to make a difference.

TEACHER'S PET

It is a teacher's last day, and all the students want to show their appreciation for her with a present. The chocolatier's son brings her a box of fine gourmet truffles, the florist's daughter brings her a bouquet of flowers, and the liquor store owners' son comes in with a heavy box.
The teacher notices that it's leaking on one side, and takes a drop of the liquid and tastes it.
"Champagne?" The boy says no.
"Brandy?" Again he says no.
Finally, the teacher says, "I give up, what did you get me?"
And the liquor store owner's son says, "A puppy!"

ROBOTEACHER

A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It perfectly fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school.

Walking confidently into the noisy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. 

When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest. He had no trouble with discipline that term.

Talking Pigs!

One day, a first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to collect building materials for his home.

She read, "...And so the pig went up to man with a wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of the straw to build my house?"

The teacher paused, then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?" One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said, 'Dear God! A talking pig!'"

ANSWERING THE TEST

A high school teacher was giving a True-False test. He was strolling up and down the aisles surveying the students at work. He came upon one student who was flipping a coin, then writing.
The teacher asked him, "What are you doing?"
The student answered, "Getting the answers to the test."
The teacher shook his head and walked on. A little while later, when everyone was finished with the test, the teacher noticed the student was again flipping the coin.
He asked, "Now, what are you doing?"
"I'm checking the answers."

HOW TO CLEAN LIP PRINTS

A middle school faced a unique problem: A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips to the mirror, leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Finally, the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with a custodian. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every day.
To demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the custodian to clean one of the mirrors. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it into the toilet, and then cleaned the mirror. Since then there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

What's for The Fee?

A man, who has just committed a crime, went to see a lawyer.
Lawyer: Well, my man, so you want me to defend you? Have you any money?
Man: No, but I got a 1979 Ford car.
Lawyer: Well, you can raise some money on that. Now, let's see, just what do they accuse you of stealing?
Man: A1979 Ford car.

Final Farewall

A lawyer read the will of a rich man to the deceased's family:
"To my loving wife Rose, who stood by me in rough times, as well as good, I leave the house and $2 million."
The lawyer continued, "To my daughter Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave the yacht, the business and $1 million."
The lawyer concluded, "And, to my cousin Dan, who hated me, argued with me, and thought that I would never mention him in my will - well, you are wrong. Hi Dan!"

Mafia’s Accountant

The Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, enters a room to meet his accountant. The Godfather asks the accountant, "Where's the three million bucks you embezzled from me?"
The accountant doesn't answer. The Godfather asks again, "Where's the three million bucks you embezzled from me?"
The attorney interrupts, "Sir, the man is a deaf-mute and cannot understand you, but I can interpret for you."
The Godfather says, "Well, ask him where the @#!* money is!"
The attorney, using sign language, asks the accountant the same question. The accountant signs back, "I don't know what you're talking about."
The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He doesn't know what you're talking about."
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the temple of the accountant, cocks the trigger and says, "Ask him again where the @#!* money is!"
The attorney signs to the accountant, "He wants to know where it is!"
The accountant signs back, "Okay, Okay! The money's hidden in a suitcase behind the shed in my backyard!"
The Godfather says, "Well, what did he say?"
The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He says that you don't have the guts to pull the trigger."

Were You Ever Arrested?

A lawyer was filling out a job application when he came to the question: "Have you ever been arrested?" 

He answered no to the question. 

The next question, intended for those who answered the preceding question with a yes, was "Why?" 

Nevertheless, the lawyer answered it: "Never got caught."

One - Armed Bandit

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:
"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb."
"Well put," the judge replied.
"Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprison¬ment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses."
The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

The Auction

One day a man goes to an auction. While there, he bids on a parrot. He really wants this bird, so he gets caught up in the bidding. He keeps on bidding, but keeps getting outbid, so he bids higher and higher and higher.
Finally, after he bids way more than he intended, he wins the bid – the parrot is his at last!
As he is paying for the parrot, he says to the auctioneer, "I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can’t talk!"
"Don’t worry, "says the auctioneer, "He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?"

Missing Parrot

A lady is very concerned about her missing parrot. Not knowing what to do, she calls 911. "You must help me find my parrot!" she says.
The operator patiently replies, "We can't help you with that, ma'am. This number only deals with emergencies."
However, the lady insists, but the operator tells her not to be concerned, that the parrot will fly back in a few days.
Then, in desperation, the lady cries, "But you don't understand! The only thing he says is 'Here, kitty, kitty!"'

Not The Parrot

A man is going to entertain people in a bar. He walks to the stage, gets a hamster out of his pocket and puts it on the piano. The hamster runs up and down the keyboard playing the greatest piano music anyone has ever heard.
"That’s amazing, "say the landlord. "Have you got anything else?"
The man gets a parrot out of his other pocket and puts it on the bar. The hamster begins to play the piano again and the parrot sings along beautifully. Everyone in the bar is amazed and stays all night drinking and listening to the hamster and parrot.
The landlord is delighted. "I must have these animals. Will you sell them to me?" he asks.
The man shakes his head. "Will you sell just one then?" asks the landlord.
"OK. I’ll sell you the parrot for 50 bucks, "the man says.
The landlord is delighted and hands over the money. Another man standing next to the man who owned the hamster said "You’re a bit stupid selling that clever parrot for only fifty bucks."
"No, I’m not," the man replies. "The hamster is a ventriloquist!"

Faster Than a Bugatti

At a red light, an old man on a moped (both looking about 90 years old) pulls up next to a luxurious sports car. The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks the young man driving it, "What kind of car ya' got there, sonny?" The young man replies, "A 2005 Bugatti Veyron 16.4. It cost $ 1.24 millions." "That's a lot of money," says the old man, shocked. "Why does it cost so much?" "Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the cool dude proudly. The moped driver asks if he can take a look inside.
"Sure," replies the owner. So the old man pokes his head through the window and looks around. Leaning back on his moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right!"
Just then, the light changes, so the guy decides to show the old man what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 320 MPH. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly, whhhoossh! Something whips by, going much faster! 

"What on earth could be going faster than my 16.4?" the young man asks himself. Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming toward him. Whoooooosh! It goes by again, heading the opposite direction! And, it almost looks like the old man on the moped! "Couldn't be," thinks the guy. "How could a moped outrun a Bugatti?"

Again, he sees a dot in his rear view mirror. Whooooosh! Ka-BbblaMMM! It plows into the back of his car, demolishing the rear end. The young man jumps out, and—good grief!—it is the old man! Of course the moped and the old man are hurting for certain. He runs up to the dying old man and says, "You're hurt bad! Is there anything I can do for you?"
The old man groans and replies, "Yes. Unhook my suspenders from your side-view mirror!"

Out In The Woods

A couple of hunters are out in the woods in the Deep South when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, and his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator, in a calm and soothing voice, says, "Alright, take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is silence, and then a gun shot is heard. The hunter comes back on the line. "OK. Now what?"

Elementary, My Dear Watson

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replies, "I see millions of stars." "What does that tell you?"
Watson ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"
Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks, "Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent!"

We Accept American Express

A businessman calls a travel agent asking about the documents he needs in order to fly to China.
After a lengthy discussion about passports, the agent reminds him he needs a visa. "Oh, no, I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those."
The agent double checks and sure enough, his stay requires a visa.
When the agent tells him this, the businessman says, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express."

The Island

Everyone on the passenger ship is amazed to see a bearded man on a small island shouting and desperately waving his island. 

"Who is that guy?" a passenger asks the captain. 

"I’ve no idea. Every year when we pass, he goes nuts.

Singing Is Required

A young man arrives at his holiday guest-house and meets the landlady. 

"Can you sing?" she snaps. 

"No," he replies, baffled. 

"Well, you'd better learn quickly. There's no lock on the bathroom door."

We Can't Do That

A student is heading home for the holidays. When she gets to the airline counter, she presents a ticket to New York.
As she hands the agent her luggage, she says, "I'd like you to send my green suitcase to Hawaii, and my red suitcase to London."
The confused agent stammers, "I—I'm sorry, we can't do that."
"Really? I am so relieved to hear you say that because that's exactly what you did to my luggage last year!"

Four Languages

A Swiss guy visiting Sydney, Australia, pulls up at a bus stop where two locals are waiting. "Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks.
The two Aussies just stare at him. "Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries again. The two continue to stare.
"Parlare Italiano?"
No response.
"Hablan ustedes Espanol?"
Still nothing.
The Swiss guy drives off, extremely frustrated. The first Aussie turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language."
"Why?" says the other. "That guy knows four languages, and it didn't do him any good."

It's Easier to Spell

Summer vacation is over and the teacher asks Little Billy about his family trip. "We visited my grandmother in Minneapolis, Minnesota." 

The teacher asks, "Good, can you tell the class how you spell those names?" 

After carefully thinking it over, Little Billy says, "Actually, we went to Ohio."

Bragging About Old Times

Two men were boasting to each other about their old army days.
"Why, my outfit was so well drilled," declared one, "that when they pre¬sented arms all you could hear was slap, slap, click."
"Very good," conceded the other, "but when my company presented arms you'd just hear slap, slap, jingle."
"What was the jingle?" asked the first. "Oh," replied the other offhand, "just our medals."

Change Your Course Now

This is the transcript of an actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland.
Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision. Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROY¬ERS, THREE CRUISERS, AND NUMER¬OUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

Delivering Sad News

The Captain calls the Sergeant in.
"Sarge, I just got a telegram saying that Private Jones' mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me."
So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops.
"Listen up, men," says the Sergeant.
"Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for mainte¬nance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander."
Later that day the Captain calls the Sergeant into his office.
"Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn't you be a bit more tactful next time?"
"Yes, sir," answers the Sergeant.
A few months later, the Captain calls the Sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got news that Private McGrath's mother died. You'd better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time be more tactful."
So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation.
"Ok, men, fall in and listen up." "Everybody with a mother, take two steps forward. Not so fast, McGrath!"

Patriotic Ascent

A retired corporal was telling a friend how he handled officers during his service years.
"It didn't matter if he was a general, an admiral, or the Commander-in-Chief. I told those guys exactly where to get off."
"Wow," his friend said. "What was your job in the service?"
"Elevator operator at the Pentagon."

Bitter Soldier

A soldier serving in eastern Asia was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote to break off their engagement and asked him to return her photograph.
He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find.
Then he bundled them all together and sent them back with a note saying, "I regret to inform you that I cannot remember which one is you — please keep your photo and return the others."

A Diamond is Forever

A man walked into a jewelry store to buy his girlfriend an engagement ring. Checking out the glass case, he spotted an exquisite ring with a handsome-sized and beautifully designed rock in its center.
"Excuse me, sir," the gentleman said to the salesman. "How much is this ring?"
"Ah, that's a beautiful one," the salesman replied. "It's $ 1 0,000."
"My God!" the man exclaimed. "That's a lot of money!"
"Yes, but a diamond is forever."
"Perhaps," the gentleman replied, "but my marriage might not last that long!"

Convenience Store

A woman walked into a convenience store. She walked straight to the manager and asked, "Do you have any small note-books?"
"Sorry," said the manager, "we're all out."
The woman shrugged and asked, "Well, do you have any mechanical pencils?" "Nope, we don't have those either," said the manager.
The woman felt her stomach rumbling and asked, "Do you have Doritos? Nachos?"
The manager shrugged, "Sorry."
"Hmm... How about chopsticks?" said the woman.
"Nope. Sorry."
"Wow!" the woman shouted, "If you don't have anything, you should close the store!"
The manager shrugged again, "Sorry, I don't have the key."

What Is Your Name

Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, "Hans Olaffsen's Laundry."
"Hans Olaffsen?" he muses. "It's a Scandinavian name, not a Chinese name. How does that fit in here?" So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter.
The tourist asks, "How did this place get a name like 'Hans Olaffsen's Laundry?'" The old man answers, "It's the name of the owner."
The tourist asks, "Well, who and where is the owner?” Me... right here," replies the old man.
"You ? How did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?"
"It’s simple," says the old man. "Many, many ago when I came to this country, I stood in line at the Immigration. The man in front of me was a big blonde Swede. The lady at the counter looked at him and asked him, 'What's your name?' He said, 'Hans Olaffsen.' Then she looked at me and asked, 'What's your name?'"
"I said, ‘Sem Ting"

The Trouble Maker

While visiting a country school, the chairman of the Board of Education became provoked at the noise the unruly students were making in the next room.
Angrily, he opened the door and grabbed one of the taller boys who seemed to be doing most of the talking. He dragged the boy to the next room and stood him in the corner.
A few minutes later, a small boy stuck his head in the room and pleaded, "Please, sir, may we have our teacher back?"

The tourist asks, "Well, who and where is the owner?” Me... right here," replies the old man.
"You ? How did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?"
"It’s simple," says the old man. "Many, many ago when I came to this country, I stood in line at the Immigration. The man in front of me was a big blonde Swede. The lady at the counter looked at him and asked him, 'What's your name?' He said, 'Hans Olaffsen.' Then she looked at me and asked, 'What's your name?'"
"I said, ‘Sem Ting"
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