Dec 11, 2011

Be Friend Again After Breaking Up

Be Friend Again After Breaking Up
Is not so easy to forget a girl we loved (or still do?) after breaking up. It is not so easy, either, to start a new relationship as friends with the ex. However, it's worth-trying to see whether you can be friends again or not, even though, traditional wisdom says it's impossible, or at best, not worth all the effort. And in many situations, that maxim holds true.

But the issue isn't so black and white if the girl in question started out as a close friend to begin with. After all, this is someone you've probably known for some time, have a great time with, and feel comfortable being around. Those types of people are hard to come by, and it makes sense to keep them around whenever possible. So it's usually in both your best interests to try and keep the friendship intact.

Make sure the feeling is mutual
Before you can go back to being just friends, you have to make sure that she wants the same thing. Be clear about the type of relationship you want with her, and make sure she's on the same page.
Need help figuring out what's going on inside her head? Ask yourself the following questions:
Did she end it? If so, she may be afraid that you're still not over her. But that doesn't mean she's not interested in staying friends - it just means you need to make it clear to her that you've accepted her decision (if you have).
Does she make an effort to stay in touch? This is usually a good sign. Even if she's hesitant to meet up at first, the fact that she's returning your calls su¬gests that she wants to stay friends.

Don't lead her on
Of course, if she's the one who wants to keep things horizontal or move on to a romantic level, you have to be careful not to lead her on in any way. Here are some tips to help ensure that she doesn't get the wrong idea.

Avoid alone time
When you first begin hanging out with her again, do so with a group of common friends. It will help reinforce that you just want to be friends, and it can also make things less awkward. 

Date other people...
...and tell her about it. Encourage her to do the same. This will help her realize that you're now turning to someone else. If this is too difficult for either of you, it's probably a sign that you need more time before you can go back to being friends. 

Fight the temptation to rekindle the romance
Despite your best efforts, you may still find yourself in a situation where you're tempted to “relapse”. If you ever feel like you might give in to temptation, part ways to avoid the inevitable consequences.

Give her space
Be aware that you may be on different timelines. Just because the time may feel right for you to start being friends again, doesn't mean that the time is right for her. Does she make up excuses when you ask to hang out? Does she try to keep your conversations short? Pick up on the hints if she seems like she needs some space, and be willing to give it to her.

Know when to stop trying
Sometimes, no matter how much space you give her or how hard you try not to lead her on, a former friend turned lover will never be able to just be your friend again. Ask yourself the following questions and pick up on clues that the friendship can't be salvaged:
Does she still see you as a potential boyfriend? If she talks about how things “could have turned out,” this probably means that she still has her sights set on romance, and will never be satisfied with a relationship that's strictly platonic.
Does she get jealous? If she acts possessive when you talk about other women, then this is a problem. Jealousy is usually a sure sign that she still wishes you were more than friends. And if the feeling's not mutual, it's probably best to keep your distance.
Does she resent you? Does she constantly remind you about things you did wrong? If she still harbors feelings of bitterness a few weeks down the road, she probably will forever.

Live and let live
Don't beat yourself up if the friend¬ship never moves forward; it happens to the best of us. The most important thing is that you learn to recognize when it's time to move on and meet new people.
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